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Oh the woes of being a housewife.

It seems like, instead of getting better, our relationship gets a little worse after every baby. There's always more fighting, more tears, less communication, etc. I'm stressed out from having to take care of two babies at once and I want to be like, "You don't understand, I never planned on this. I've never been a baby person or had the patience to deal with kids." I don't think that Josh realizes that about me. I am more selfish than I let on to be. Sometimes I think I would rather be alone than in the life that I have.

I will probably always be this lonely person. Josh doesn't understand- it feels like no one does. I wonder why i'm even here. It couldn't have been to have kids, millions of people have kids every day. It's not that big of a deal anymore. I've become one of those almost invisible people. I am an after thought- never the main reason for doing something. I'm a maid.

I know material things aren't that important, but it's the gesture that means something to me. For my birthday I didn't get anything and my mom forgot and went out of town. Also, for Christmas I only got something from my mom and nichole. Josh didn't get me anything, even though he could have. Josh and I did nothing for valentines day. There's just no romance. I always had this ludicrous idea that I'd end up with a great romantic love and every day would be amazing. I never thought i'd be stuck at home cleaning up after two kids and a man who seems to take me for granted very often.

The main thing I ask myself everyday is: Why am I here?

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misswellworded
misswellworded

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