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Two years and two kids later.

It's been a very long time since I've decided to write a blog. I had a lot of entries on here, but I decided to delete them and start from scratch. A clean plate, if you will. 

I'm twenty three. I have one son who is fourteen months old and another on the way (any day now). I've been with my fiance since November 13, 2010. My life has changed dramatically since I met Josh. I've become a mother, I no longer work, and our family is continuing to grow. I'll admit, I'm not always happy with the way things are. Being a stay-at-home mom was never on my to-do list. Honestly, I never thought I'd have kids; Or meet anyone that I wanted to have kids with. It's been rough changing my mindset to that of a conservative, traditional woman. That's probably one of the things he likes least about me- I'm not his mother.  didn't grow up in an Amish town wasn't raised catholic or very religious at all for that matter. I've made many compromises to make him happy and I wonder if it's really fair sometimes. 

It seems we've found somewhat of a happy medium in our opposite ways of life. He tries to make me happy and I try to make him happy. 
Now, we just need to stop having kids! Haha. We were only together for four months before we got pregnant the first time. He was born December 6, 2011. He's the most beautiful child I have ever seen and extremely stubborn like his dad. After this next child, I don't want to have any kids for a long while. Which is a tough subject for me to bring up with Josh. He's firmly against birth control, but I can not keep spitting out kids like this. Emotionally I just can't take it. This has been eating away at me for the past week. I need to bring it up and I don't want it to turn into an argument or for him to completely shoot it down and not hear me out. That probably makes me the most upset. He acts like he is the sole decision maker of everything and he's not. We're supposed to be a team and do what's best for our family- for our relationship. That's what marriage is supposed to be all about, right? Teamwork?

Our communication skills could definitely be better. We don't really argue that much anymore. I suppose we just kind of... don't talk. Since he's been working nights, I have felt very alone. He leaves at one in the afternoon and doesn't get back until probably one or two in the morning. It's been tough on us. He doesn't get to see me or the baby. Then he sleeps until about noon, gets up and gets ready for work. I'm thankful that he has a steady job and one that he likes- but it annoys me when he's home he's talking about something one of his coworkers did or said. It's like he never left work or that's all he thinks about. I sit at home and listen to a crying, needy child all day and would love to get away for twelve hours. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure he would be annoyed with him, too. I miss working. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. Cleaning up after people, constantly being needed by someone, being responsible for another persons' well being. It's tough. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I don't have much of a choice anymore. 

Enough complaining for one night. It's nice to be able to write again. I hope I can keep up with it. 



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